By the time most couples visit my studio for the engagement photo shoot, the bride and groom are deeply entrenched in the wedding planning. The once romantic idea of getting married has turned to seating charts, endless decor, floral and color scheme mock ups, spreadsheets and budgets. It’s very easy for couples to lose sight of why they are doing this in the first place!
Making matters worse is the disinterested groom. Instead of golfing with his buddies, his weekends are now spent being dragged from one appointment to another. Boredom turns to alienation, which soon can turn a once nice guy into a disgruntled and resentful partner. Instead of feeling excitement for the approaching wedding day, many grooms simply detach themselves from the process and wish it was over.
However, it’s not all doom and gloom. Be sensitive to your man’s wedding planning threshold and you both can enjoy what should be a fantastic experience. Many of my clients simply ignore the early warning signs of their groom’s fading interest.
Early warning signs of a disinterested groom
The glazed eyes. You will see this immediately after you start comparing centerpieces with your florist.
The cell phone grab. Like a gun-slinger, your man will whip out his smart phone within the first 2 minutes as you try to decide between the peony and the ranunculus flowers in your bouquet.
The heavy sigh. You’ll hear this deep exhale about 20 minutes into a color scheme discussion with your wedding planner.
The yawn. 2 minutes after the heavy sigh.
The far away gaze. Ladies, this one is dangerous. When your guy stares out the window he’s thinking of things he would rather being doing. Whatever he is thinking, few of his thoughts are centered on you or the wedding!
Rather than pretending that your groom is somehow different than the 99% of mankind, and that he is enjoying this laborious process, I suggest you simply target what does interest him, and ask for his involvement in those areas. For example, at the start of the planning, map out the responsibilities. Who’s in charge of what? Remember, we’re guys, and this is not rocket science, so keep it basic.
Most men will enjoy some or all of the following:
The tastings. Catering, the cakes, the signature cocktails, whatever. If there’s something we can stuff into our pie hole, we’re happy!
The music. Careful here, you definitely want shared input from the both of you.
Photography. 50% of my clients’ photography choice is driven by the guy.
The men’s attire. Give your man some freedom of expression. Let him choose what he wants regardless of whether or not you approve.
Finally, for the few men that are reading my blog I offer this…
Gentlemen, if you have had little to no involvement in the planning process or decor selection, do yourself a favor and keep your mouth shut. If you happen to attend the final floral mock up and your bride says, “Well sweetheart, what do you think of the charger plates, linens, chairs, centerpieces, stemware and napkin rings I picked out?” Take a deep a breath, throw on a big smile and simply say, “It’s perfect!”